Bonne Année

2014 happened, and I lived through it. The time that has elapsed and the things that have occurred exist and will forever exist in the space-time continuum – or whatever else you want to call this strange thing called reality. One could even argue that this entire world is just an illusion or a dream, if you wanted to get really philosophical.

Whatever this is, I have been a small piece of it. Whatever effect my actions had on the world around me, I’ll never quite know, but they must matter, simply because they happened. Sometimes I have to stop and take notice of my existence. Sometimes I forget to see myself as a piece of the puzzle. Oftentimes I don’t realize how wonderful it is to be alive and 24 years young.

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In the Tuileries garden

Visual Diary – Summer’s Over

The change in season has brought about many changes in day-to-day life. In early September, not just one, but three friends moved into town. Two of those friends were originally made during my study-abraod adventures two years ago, all of us hailing from different parts of the US. It’s amazing that all of us find ourselves back in the same place once more.  My weekends now consist of dinner with friends, wiiU game tournaments, and friendly meet-ups for coffee or walks through the park. I haven’t felt that crushing sense of boredom and depression that hit me all too frequently in the past months.  Filling a life with even the smallest of meaningful activities makes such a big difference.  Having people I trust in my immediate surroundings makes me feel less like an alien and more like I have a place here.

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Artist Feature: Michelle Morin

Artist Feature: Michelle Morin

As soon as I saw Michelle Morin’s painting of some wild fennel on a coastline, I knew I had to feature her on this blog. Everything about it, from the texture, the colours, the intricacy, and the feeling of wildness captured me. Nothing is too contained, and yet despite the pattern-like composition, you still feel that you’re looking into a beach landscape.

Michelle lives on the Seacoast of New Hampshire, yet spends time travelling to places, discovering the native plant and animal life. She has spent many years working in the horticultural field, so the detail with which she depicts the natural world is no surprise.

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Visual Diary – Anonymity of the Crowd

It seems like I can’t start a blog post without mentioning the weather.  It’s been a strange combination of rain and sun, like the sky just went through a breakup and is alternating between debilitating depression and sheer joy of what possibilities lie ahead.  I’ve never experienced a true spring, but I think this might be it.  I’m starting to miss the sun of California a little more now.  I’ve been slacking on the blog, feeling unmotivated, discouraged, and uncreative since I started a babysitting gig.  I haven’t been enjoying myself the past few weeks, but I’ve managed to gather some images for this Visual Diary… they are one of the easiest and most natural types of posts for me to write.

These pictures show the bipolar nature of the weather over the entire month of May, but I think they also reflect the detachment I’ve been feeling lately.  Only one image contains evidence of a human presence, instead focusing on solitary motifs or inaccessible constructions.  I’ve been feeling invisible in the world lately, when I’m in the busses and trains, I can just fade into a corner and almost not exist.  The foreign conversations around me mean nothing, so that it all becomes white noise; I avoid eye contact in public transportation because supposed cultural rules taught me that looking at a person in the eye can come across as either creepy or flirty; I walk past the same restaurants, shops, and train stations everyday, but I don’t know anyone; I see little windows on buildings bedecked with flowers and wonder who could possibly live there and what their lives could possibly be like, and if they’re happy; I’ve become annoyed with the French people and their way of life; and I wonder why I’m here and no longer really believe that I’m strong or interesting or cool for moving here.  Even though I blend into the crowd, looking and acting like a Parisian, I feel more disoriented and alien than ever.

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Visual Diary: Rainy Days, Petit Palais, and other Life Things

Visual Diary: Rainy Days, Petit Palais, and other Life Things

The past couple weeks have been quite drizzly, blustery, and chilly. I find that time seems to be passing more quickly and naturally now – I’ve stopped counting the passing weekends, and stopped feeling panicky about the unknown future. The residence card should be in the works as we speak, and I’ve got a babysitting job lined up for the fall. I’ve even managed to pick up a little side job for a couple months, which will fund both my student loan payments due in June, as well as my summertime-BFF-Spain trip planned for August. I am far from having everything figured out, but who ever really does?

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Places I once knew

The other day, I revisited my old neighbourhood. Just walking down that familiar street brought memories that had entirely faded from my brain, rushing back with clarity. I remembered small, impossible details like what my friend ordered that time we ate at the café downstairs, the happy conversation I had with the nearby florist, discussing the contents of paté with my Mother when she visited, shopping for a tiny christmas tree with my best friend, the nearby church I had visited when I was at my lowest… I could go on for days.

But instead of making me happy, these memories just made me sad. I spent the rest of the day mulling over why sadness was my first reaction, and I still haven’t quite figured it out.

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