Normally, when I see or read things that have the message: Life life to the fullest, I simply roll my eyes and move on to something more interesting and less cliché.
However, lately I’ve been in such a carpe diem type of mood. Being in Paris probably has something to do with it. All major life changes are at first, extremely difficult, and later on, flip to the other extreme and become wonderfully fun, inspiring, fresh, and exciting.
As I was driving home alone, thinking about a loved one that I can’t spend time with at the moment, I started feeling really lonely. I then realized that I’ll feel ten times more lonely in Paris, and my stomach dropped. Foreign country. friends, family, and boyfriend out of reach. I guess that part of it hasn’t really hit me until now, and I’ve always considered myself quite independent.
If I’m going to embrace Paris %100, I need to learn to accept loneliness. There’s no getting around feeling sad, alone, and fearful – but what I can do is not let them consume me.
The last week and a half I can’t stop thinking, pondering, and obsessing about Paris in the Fall. I lay awake at night, as I’m supposed to be getting much-needed sleep, coming up with scenarios in my head, such as – searching for an apartment, ordering a crepe, finding my favorite boulangerie, taking art history classes in French, and the list goes on. I’ve even spent a significant amount of time exploring the streets of Paris via Google Maps street view. I’ve been researching like crazy for advice on studying abroad, and brainstorming ways to save up money. If you’re wondering where in the world I’ve been the last two weeks – this is what I’ve been doing.
This Fall, I will have the chance to live in a new country. I’ll be there for five months, I’ll rent a tiny closet-sized apartment (shared toilet down the hall), I’ll be an English tutor part time, and I’ll study art history in the company of the best museums in the world. I almost can’t believe it’s going to happen – It still feels surreal.
I am beyond excited about my Fujifilm Instax! It’s like a Polaroid camera, but new, and wide-format! I’ve had it since Christmas, but FINALLY bought film for it a few weeks ago.
I had been waiting for the perfect moment to use the film, or the perfect subject to capture, but yesterday I realized that any moment can be the perfect moment. So, I whipped that beheamouth of a camera out of its box, inserted the film, got really excited, and then… read the instructions. Anticlimactic, I know. But don’t worry, the exciting part is coming.