The Stories We Tell Ourselves

Our sense of reality is not black and white. Every single person on this planet sees the world slightly differently, altered by our upbringing, our values, faiths, education, experiences and personalities. There are so many billions of factors that can affect our perception. Oftentimes, those differences go completely unnoticed by others, but they’re always alive and well within us. They don’t just work alone – they can build off of one another.

 

For instance, I grew up as the child of divorced parents, but also as the oldest among my half-siblings whom I lived with (I also have two step siblings and another half sibling, which adds a whole separate layer of complexity). I regularly attended a Christian church as a teen, but then dated a very nice Mormon guy for a while. I had pretty bad acne and used to cake on tons of makeup, and I developed breasts earlier than all my other friends and received unwanted attention because of it.

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A Fresh Start | French Californian

The Absurdity of the New Year + Resolutions

Even though the calendar is just a construct humans created to try and give themselves a sense of control over passing time, the new year is here, and to many of us, it means something. On one hand, any moment of any day is worthy of starting something new, but on the other hand, it just so happened that our move out of France and into America perfectly coincided with the start of 2017.

I don’t fully believe in New Year’s Resolutions. In fact, Facebook recently reminded me of a “memory” from the start of 2014 when I declared, “My New Year’s Resolution is to not have a New Year’s Resolution.” The contradiction in that statement highlights the ridiculousness of thinking that the start of a new calendar somehow has power. It doesn’t have any power (unless of course you believe that the movements of the solar system makes a difference). What really has the power is you – but that power can theoretically be accessed at any time. If you want to create your own way of organizing time, with 4-day-long weeks, 12-day-long months and 10-month-long years, then you can do that. You can then assume that every 4 days is the start of a fresh new week, it’s like your own personal Monday, a chance to begin new tasks and set new goals for the next 3 remaining days of your week. It’s just a system.

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Visual Diary – Lonely Autumn Days

The past month has given me lots of alone time to reflect. Recently, two of my closest friends moved out of France, and in September, my husband Erik went to the US to await his Green Card, leaving me with just a single friend to hang out with, and lots of quiet evenings alone. It’s been interesting.

Without an extra person next to me when I sleep, or someone waiting for me when I come back from the grocery store, things have been a little bit strange. Yesterday I realized I had barely used my voice for the entire day, and I wondered jokingly if my vocal chords still worked. Even though I had been wandering around Paris for the entire day, surrounded by people on the street, I still felt isolated, simply because most of the people I love weren’t with me.

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Bonne Année

2014 happened, and I lived through it. The time that has elapsed and the things that have occurred exist and will forever exist in the space-time continuum – or whatever else you want to call this strange thing called reality. One could even argue that this entire world is just an illusion or a dream, if you wanted to get really philosophical.

Whatever this is, I have been a small piece of it. Whatever effect my actions had on the world around me, I’ll never quite know, but they must matter, simply because they happened. Sometimes I have to stop and take notice of my existence. Sometimes I forget to see myself as a piece of the puzzle. Oftentimes I don’t realize how wonderful it is to be alive and 24 years young.

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In the Tuileries garden

Visual Diary – Summer’s Over

The change in season has brought about many changes in day-to-day life. In early September, not just one, but three friends moved into town. Two of those friends were originally made during my study-abraod adventures two years ago, all of us hailing from different parts of the US. It’s amazing that all of us find ourselves back in the same place once more.  My weekends now consist of dinner with friends, wiiU game tournaments, and friendly meet-ups for coffee or walks through the park. I haven’t felt that crushing sense of boredom and depression that hit me all too frequently in the past months.  Filling a life with even the smallest of meaningful activities makes such a big difference.  Having people I trust in my immediate surroundings makes me feel less like an alien and more like I have a place here.

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Visual Diary: Rainy Days, Petit Palais, and other Life Things

Visual Diary: Rainy Days, Petit Palais, and other Life Things

The past couple weeks have been quite drizzly, blustery, and chilly. I find that time seems to be passing more quickly and naturally now – I’ve stopped counting the passing weekends, and stopped feeling panicky about the unknown future. The residence card should be in the works as we speak, and I’ve got a babysitting job lined up for the fall. I’ve even managed to pick up a little side job for a couple months, which will fund both my student loan payments due in June, as well as my summertime-BFF-Spain trip planned for August. I am far from having everything figured out, but who ever really does?

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