I’m starting this one off with one of the biggest clichés out there – are you ready for it? …Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Need I really say more? That phrase is pretty self-explanatory. Here are some things that I truly appreciate about the US, and miss now that I no longer have them at my fingertips. Some of them are silly, and some of them are a bit more emotional.
It seems like I can’t start a blog post without mentioning the weather. It’s been a strange combination of rain and sun, like the sky just went through a breakup and is alternating between debilitating depression and sheer joy of what possibilities lie ahead. I’ve never experienced a true spring, but I think this might be it. I’m starting to miss the sun of California a little more now. I’ve been slacking on the blog, feeling unmotivated, discouraged, and uncreative since I started a babysitting gig. I haven’t been enjoying myself the past few weeks, but I’ve managed to gather some images for this Visual Diary… they are one of the easiest and most natural types of posts for me to write.
These pictures show the bipolar nature of the weather over the entire month of May, but I think they also reflect the detachment I’ve been feeling lately. Only one image contains evidence of a human presence, instead focusing on solitary motifs or inaccessible constructions. I’ve been feeling invisible in the world lately, when I’m in the busses and trains, I can just fade into a corner and almost not exist. The foreign conversations around me mean nothing, so that it all becomes white noise; I avoid eye contact in public transportation because supposed cultural rules taught me that looking at a person in the eye can come across as either creepy or flirty; I walk past the same restaurants, shops, and train stations everyday, but I don’t know anyone; I see little windows on buildings bedecked with flowers and wonder who could possibly live there and what their lives could possibly be like, and if they’re happy; I’ve become annoyed with the French people and their way of life; and I wonder why I’m here and no longer really believe that I’m strong or interesting or cool for moving here. Even though I blend into the crowd, looking and acting like a Parisian, I feel more disoriented and alien than ever.
Last Wednesday night, I was feeling pretty crummy about everything, asking myself existential questions like, “why am I here, what’s the point of going into Paris, I’m running out of money, what is life, who am I???” So I decided, instead of wallowing in these thoughts, I should defy them and go see something I’ve never seen before in Paris.
I chose Musée Jacquemart-André, a relatively small museum of decorative arts in the fancy 8th arrondissement. One downside to no longer being a student, is that I no longer receive free admission to certain museums around Paris. I naively attempted to use my old Parisian student ID, but embarrassingly, the ticket woman checked the date on the back and I ended up paying the full price. oops! :p
It’s been nearly a month since I’ve arrived in France, and one question has been rolling around in my mind constantly – am I a tourist, or do I live here? I think the answer to that question is a definitive, neither.
Paris doesn’t have the same angelic glow it has when first laying eyes upon it, the boulangeries and rows of pretty buildings now feel normal. I still find it charming and beautiful, but the sense of adventure and discovery and exhilaration one feels when traveling to new places is definitely lacking.
I’ve been splitting my time between touristy outings, household tasks, and establishing new routines; Finding a favorite bakery, becoming familiar with the layout of the nearest Monoprix (A french supermarket), and learning to do laundry without a dryer. I also play a lot of video games and watch a great deal of TV. I take sporadic trips into Paris when I’m feeling energetic, but the bulk of my time has been spent doing “homey” things.
What have I been up to this week? For starters, I got a new pair of shoes at Printemps, which I am very pleased with. I also met up with some friends, did some exploring, and some more “settling in.”
Last Friday I met up with a friend from California and her roommate, who are both studying abroad for the semester. We did a little vintage shopping, and I found myself a perfect-fitting tartan mini skirt at Espace Kiliwatch. I love this store. Yes, it’s wildly overpriced, BUT it has the best stock, and really is très cool. Rue Tiquetonne has a handful of really unique shops, all with an urban vibe – plus, it’s narrow and extremely charming.
Today I decided to explore my new town a bit more, get familiar with the streets, scope out restaurants, and make mental notes of essentials like dry cleaners and bakeries. It was quite brisk out, with a freezing wind on the larger boulevards, but as long as I kept a quick pace, it was manageable.
Here is my visual diary of the day, or at least half of it. The remainder I spent watching Kiki’s Delivery Service under a blanket.